Five things I have learnt these past 15 years…
Fifteen years ago today life as I knew it changed forever. Fifteen years ago today I woke up feeling very sick with a raging fever to the point that I just couldn’t get out of bed. With meningitis, time is of the essence, and luckily my parents acted quickly. Our GP tells me that something within him told him that the situation was a serious one and that he should make his way to our house as quickly as possible. The next thing I remember was being taken down the stairs of my parents’ home in an orange chair by paramedics. I then remember me in the ambulance with my father on the way to hospital. I remember how I kept asking my father if we had arrived at hospital yet as the pain was just unbearable. I then remember my parents giving me a kiss and that’s the last thing I did on 16th February 2006.
In these past 15 years, after losing both my legs and parts of my fingers, I have had to relearn how to do a number of things, including eating, writing, walking and driving a car. I have also learnt quite a few things about life in general and here are 5 things that have helped me get through my life changing experience. I hope you find them useful.
1. It’s ok to cry. Crying is not a sign of weakness. Crying is actually good for you. There were times, especially at the beginning of my journey, when I cried myself to sleep with the physical pain I was in. There were other times, especially when I went back home from hospital, when I woke up crying hoping that I was just living a very bad nightmare. But crying actually heals the soul and the body. Crying helps in restoring our body back into balance after a stressful event.
2. Uncertainty is part of life. All those who are closest to me know that I like to be in control. I’m not even a big fan of surprises, whatever shape or form. I like to organise my days and plan ahead. However, not all of life’s things can be planned. Uncertainty is a natural and unavoidable part of life. In 2006, I was an Engineering student and planning on going to spend a semester in Scotland. Yet, I found myself in hospital fighting for my life. Many of us, including myself, often use worrying as a tool for trying to predict the future. However, we all know that worrying robs you of the present. Instead, I have learnt that I can only focus on the things that are within my control and that in order to move forward it is best to embrace the fact that parts of life are inevitably uncertain.
3. It’s important to take stock of every situation. I remember the day they told me that they are going to have to amputate my legs like it was yesterday. I cried my eyes out and went through a list of all the things that maybe I wouldn’t be able to do. However, I also remember carrying out a little stock take of the situation. I was going to lose my legs but luckily I still had my brains. I had a family who stood by me every second of every day. I had supportive friends. I had people who I hadn’t met praying for me and hoping I would pull through. I remember deciding to focus on those things and not on the loss I was about to experience. Was it all nice and rosy? NO. A big fat no. But I still had things to be grateful for and that is what mattered.
4. Support is everything. Speaking of family and friends, support is everything in all that we do. I would certainly not be where I am today had it not been for the support of my husband, my family and friends. Surround yourself by the people who have your back and are rooting for you. However, support also goes both ways. It is important that we also support each other. Support can be offering genuine encouragement, reassurance and compassion. Listening actively or empathically is another important part of providing emotional support.
5. Invest your energy in things that make you happy. Finding your way to what makes you happy might not always be an easy ride. Finding purpose and satisfaction in your work is important. When I got sick I was reading for a degree in Mechanical Engineering, however two years later I decided that I wanted to change direction and instead read for a degree in psychology. Changing my area of study was not easy but I was determined to live a fulfilling life by doing the work that makes me happy.
